How to Apologize and Mean It – McCluskey Center for Violence Prevention Research & Education

Aside from engaging below, check out this article from The Atlantic by By Lori Gottlieb: Dear Therapist: Is It Possible to Apologize for a Sexual Assault? "Multiple men have asked that question to our advice columnist. Here is her response."

Action	What this could look like
Acknowledging the harm	Not making excuses for what happened or trying to highlight what your intentions were Accepting that you harmed someone and allowing them to withdraw and take care of themselves, even if it means they set a boundary or remove you from their space Listening to understand what you did wrong without getting defensive
Respecting space	Don’t try to talk to the other person if they haven’t reached out to you; if you want to talk to someone, reach out to a friend or family member instead
Engage	Genuinely make an effort to understand other perspectives, and understand why your action was harmful Ask questions, use available resources to further discussions and healing
Apologize	Acknowledge what you did wrong, and when you understand why it was wrong, also include it in your apology Understand that the purpose of an apology is not to reestablish the relationship
Be Accountable	Make efforts to continue learning about harmful behaviors and why it is important to not do them Make effort to ask questions about behavior or speech that can be harmful if you don’t understand why Surround yourself with people who support you as you change your behavior or understand why a certain behavior and/or comment was harmful Learn to regulate and feel emotions like shame, anger, and sadness