Presence ≠ Consent

By Savannah Holzer

This is one of seven posts in the Center’s  ______ ≠ Consent Campaign.

You just had a great, fun night out with the person you’re interested in, and they invite you back to their place. Sounds pretty promising, right?

You’re hanging out in their room, and you’re thinking, “they totally want to hook up with me, why else would we be hanging out alone in their room?”

This is a common misconception in people’s ideas of how sex should go, that presence equals consent. This is not true and a thought that should be challenged.

Just because someone invites you into a space that could escalate to a more intimate level, it does not mean that that is what they want to do. It’s important to check in, communicate, and realize both of your intentions/wants to avoid causing harm.

It’s important to pay attention to how certain physical spaces can influence people’s preconceived perceptions/expectations of sex. Many people believe that being alone in a bedroom (or other intimate space) with someone will lead to sex, but acting on these assumptions without critically assessing the situation could lead to harm being caused. There is no automatic given to sex, and it’s important to communicate to understand your partner’s boundaries and to receive their full consent.Assuming that their presence equals their consent neglects the importance of communication and making sure everyone involved is comfortable with what is happening. Remember that sex is not inevitable, even if your in a space that seems to be the perfect scene. It’s important to not overlook how the other person is feeling to just fulfill your own needs. It’s important to not make assumptions about what is happening/what will happen. Instead, have an in-depth conversation, and set and respect boundaries.